Kutitap

malayo ang kanyang tanaw.

sa ibayong makislap ang liwanag.

pupuntahan niya ang dakong iyun.

tutuklasin ang nakakubling hiwaga.

atubili ang kanyang mahal na inay.

maari siyang mapahamak.

mapanlinlang umano ang kutitap..

may sapat na siyang lakas sa paglakbay.

pumaimbulog sa nakalililong kalawakan. 

abot-kamay niya ang tugatog ng tagumpay.

ngunit nakatugaygay ang makislap na liwanag.

siya ay niyayakag.

sadyang mapanghalina ang kutitap..

kaysarap pala sa mundo ng kutitap.

dulot nito ay samut-saring kagalakan.

taglay niya ang walang kapantay na kapangyarihan.

nakalipad siya sa pinakamatayog na kawalan.

ngunit sa isang iglap nagbihis-anyo ang kutitap.

naglaho ang angkin nitong liwanag.

ginupo ng nakasisindak na kadiliman..

muli siyang napadpad sa pinagmulan.

tila nagbago na ang mundong nakagisnan.

hungkag ang kanyang nadama.

nawaglit maging ang lakas niya sa paglipad.

nagugulumihanan siya sa kaganapan.

ngunit wala siyang mahagilap na kasagutan.

ang sarili niyang mundo ay nasadlak na rin sa karimlan..

babalik siya sa kanlungan ng kutitap.

lamunin man ng kadiliman.

may aasahan siyang sibol ng liwanag.

dito na siya mananatili.

sa mundo ng kutitap.. sa mundo ng mapaglinlang..

Lakad

Payuko at laglag balikat akong lumisan sa tanggapang iyun. Imbes na sumakay ng elevator, nagdesisyon akong gumamit ng hagdan pababa mula sa ikawalong palapag ng gusali. sabagay, wala na akong hahabuling oras. hindi ako nakaramdam ng anumang pagod ng sumayad ang mga paa ko sa pinakaunang baitang ng hagdan.

 

Tuluyan na akong nakalabas ng gusali, nilingon ko ito. ayaw pa ring tanggapin ng utak ko ang nangyari. mainit na ang sikat ng araw, mag-alas dyes na ng umaga. malayo pa ang sakayan ng bus pauwi sa amin pero nagpasya akong maglakad na lang, kahit naka long sleeve at necktie ako. wala na akong hahabuling oras, kahit gaano pa kahaba ang lalakarin ko..

Nang matigil ang munti kong negosyo na rtw, canteen, at sari-sari store, nagdesisyon akong magtrabaho ulit. Supervisory position ang inaplayan ko. Pinasa ko ang written exam at first interview. May papuri pa sa akin ang interviewer na ako'y magaling at sinabing pag-igihin ang final interview dahil I will be competing from graduates of Ateneo and the likes. Ngumiti lang ako. Alam ko na kaya ko, malakas ang aking kumpiyansa. Gagawin ang final interview ten o'clock ng umaga sa main office nila sa Makati na nasa 8th floor.

Pagdating ko sa lobby ng upisina, may naabutan akong dalawang lalaking nakaupo na halos kasing-edad ko din. Pormal ang bihis nila tulad ko. Mayamaya dumating pa ang isa. Apat pala kaming mag tutunggali para sa isang posisyon. Kinuha ng receptionist ang mga pangalan namin, dahil pangatlo akong dumating ganun din ang sequence ng interview. Umabot ng dalawang oras bago matapos ang interview ng mga nauna sa akin. Pareho silang umuwi, baka tatawagan na lang para sa resulta.

Sinamahan ako ng receptionist papasok sa silid ng mag-iinterview. Magarbo ang kaayusan ng upisina. Nakatayo na ako sa harap ng babaeng mukhang kagalang-galang at maaya ang personalidad. Pinaupo nya ako at ako'y nagpasalamat. Sabi nga, hintayin munang paupuin ka ng interviewer bago gawin ito. Yan ang protocol. Hawak nya ang ilang stapled pages ng set of questionnaires. Sinimulan na ang interview. Mula sa tipikal na mga tanong gaya ng edukasyon, pamilya, work background hanggang sa aspeto ng propesyalismo. Biglang ipinukol sa akin ang question na, "give me ten ways to communicate with people." Ang dami, ten! Nagbigay ako ng halimbawa, tulad ng interpersonal, through telephone, hand gestures, body movement. Nakumpleto ko ang sampu!

Mahaba-haba na rin ang usapan namin, pero di pa dun nagtapos ang interview. Mula sa kung saan, tinanong nya ako; "From a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your self- confidence?" "I will give myself a 9!" "Why not ten?" "Because I don't believe in the term perfect." "Where do you get your self-confidence?" "From the heart and the mind. from the heart, because of my experiences in life, be it good or otherwise, they serve as my shield to face life's trials and challenges. from the mind, because of my educational attainment and work experiences, they serve as my weapon as i pursue my goals in life."

Palagay ko namangha siya sa mga sagot ko, dahil ako mismo ay di rin makapaniwala. Pakiramdam ko, sinaniban ako ng mga sandaling yun ng anumang hiwaga ng kakayahan at tiwala sa sarili. Ilang saglit pa, humupa na ang intelektwal na usapan. Ipinaliwanag nya ang posisyong inaaplayan ko. Nabanggit din ang suweldo at benepisyo. Na-impress ako. Gusto ko ang trabaho at ang kaakibat na kumpensasyon. Bago natapos ang interview, sinabi nyang tatawagan ako after two days for the result. Nagpasalamat kaming pareho at nagkamay bago ako lumabas ng silid. Umabot ng halos dalawang oras ang interview. Iyon ang pinakamahabang interbyung nadaanan ko. At di ko inakala na iyun din ang magiging dahilan ng pinakamahabang lakad na gagawin ko..

 

Nakatanggap ako ng tawag mula sa kanila pagkalipas lamang ng isang araw. Ipinaalam na ako ang napili para sa posisyon. Sinabing dapat akong mag-report para sa orientation sa darating na Lunes, alas nuwebe ng umaga. Walang mapagsidlan ng aking tuwa. Ipinamalita ko ito sa aking mga magulang, kapatid, at maging sa aking mga pinsan. Ipinaalala pa ng aking nanay na kailangan kong magpasalamat sa biyaya at talinong ipinagkaloob sa akin ng Panginoon. Nakibahagi silang lahat sa aking kagalakan at munting tagumpay.

Alas otso ng umaga umalis ako ng bahay. Tatlong sakay ang kailangan kong gawin bago makarating sa matayog na gusaling iyon sa Makati. Alas otso y medya dumating ako ng Quezon Ave. Mula doon sumakay ako ng MRT patungong Makati. Mabilis ang byahe sa MRT at pagkalipas ng halos labinlimang minuto, nag-aabang na ako ng dyip papunta sa magiging bago kong upisina. Tamang-tama ang tantiya ko sa oras, limang minuto lang ang itatakbo para makarating doon. Ilang sandali lang nasa loob na ako ng dyip. Mabagal ang takbo ng byahe. Lunes nga pala, unang araw ng pasukan. Ang kupad ng daloy ng trapiko. Aligaga na ako at hindi mapakali. Gusto ko nang bumaba at maglakad na lang, pero mukhang malayo pa. Nadoble na ang dapat sana'y limang minuto na byahe.

Halos liparin ko ang main entrance ng gusali nang makababa ako mula sa dyip. Mabuti na lang at walang laman ang elevator, agad akong sumakay patungong 8th floor. Alas nuwebe y medya nakarating ako sa lobby ng upisina. Walang tao. Dumako ang tingin ko sa isang glass-walled na silid. Nasa loob silang lahat. Nagpasya akong pumasok at ng buksan ko ang pintuan, nakatunghay ang atensyon ng mga naroroon sa isang lalakeng dayuhang nagsasalita sa harap. Kagyat akong naupo sa isang bakanteng silya. Napansin ito ng isang babae at sumenyas siya sa akin na sumunod palabas. "Are you Mr. A from Quezon City?" "Yes, ma'am." "Why you arrive only now?" "I'm sorry, I didn't expect that traffic in Makati is so heavy." Pumasok muli ang babae sa silid at nagbilin na maghintay ako dahil may itatanong lamang siya. Naglalaro ang isipan ko ng mga sandaling iyon. Pinaniwala ang sarili na isasama pa rin ako sa orientation. Napakahaba ng kanilang proseso sa paghahanap ng akmang tao para sa posisyong nakuha ko, kaya siguradong may reschedule silang gagawin.

Bumalik na siya at habang papalapit sa akin, pinagmasdan ko ang kanyang mukha upang suyurin anumang nakaguhit doon. Pakiwari ko malungkot siya at may habag akong nakita nang magtagpo ang aming mga tingin. Batid ko na ang naging pasya nila. Nais itanggi ng aking isip na mali ako. Ngunit hindi na kaya pang iwaksi ang nakatutulig na katotohanang sasambulat sa akin.. "I'm sorry Mr. A, we cannot accommodate you anymore. The company is very strict on time. You're very late. You should have arrived earlier, more so this is the first day of orientation. We're very sorry."

Come What May

If i would pick just one song that best described ours, it would be Air Supply's Come What May. you are the girl who sees my secret fears inside and the craziness i hide; you are the one who doesn't judge but just takes me as i am.
As a gesture of my appreciation, i wish to dedicate this classic song to you. i may not be able to reciprocate your passion in the same manner, 'tis my most sincere way to express my gratefulness. from the bottom of my heart, i say thank you for your affection, support, faith, understanding, patience..
Your willingness to give everything without asking for anything in return makes me feel humbled to realize the value of my life. you are one of the few good reasons that i still desire to see the light ahead, no matter how dim that might be..


Come What May
(Air Supply)

When she looks at me
I know the girl sees things
Nobody else can see

All of the secret fears inside
All of the craziness I hide
She looks into my soul
And reads me like nobody can

And she doesn't judge the man
She just takes me as I am

Come what may, she believes
And that faith is something
I've never known before
Come what may, she loves me
And that love has helped me open a door
Making me love myself a little more

When I turn away
She knows those are the times
There's nothing left to say

Nothing that anyone can do
And so she lets me live it through
And when I'm in my darkest hours of uncertainty
She just simply lets me be
And goes right on loving me

And when it seems my dreams
Have all slipped through my fingers
When they just can't be found
I turn around and there they are
Shining in her eyes

Wail of My Alter Ego

I cannot understand what i feel; I am entangled in a web of emotions; and my senses now utterly deserted me. I wish I could hide in the deepest trench and disappear in real time. I want to strip myself of all the comfort I had for I do not deserve a single of it. There's so much I can do yet I confine myself to lethargy. I cannot forgive myself if after such realization, I do nothing about it. You see, I am really blessed. I have the best parents in all the world and half of my siblings. But I abused those blessings through laziness and overdependence. Thanks God. I remember using my rational mind, but I do not know when and where to start and how will I!

I just met a friend I had only known from afar.  I heard so much about him and my first impression was clouded with uncertain emotions. I was heavily influenced by people who spread bad gossip about him. I cannot express precisely what i think and feel for i am full of confusions. But somehow after a short period of being with his company, i noticed a certain likeness of how we viewed life. I must say he had such a remarkable strength more than anyone I've ever met. Maybe because of my flexibility I have reached a certain depth of his soul.

I don't mingle much with people except on subjects worthy enough to listen to. My friend taught me a lot about life and its branches of hope, despair, loneliness, joy.. He is intelligent and ambitious. He loves his family and their welfare more than anything but he loved them with his own kind of reasoning.  Perhaps of what he has gone through life that made him tough yet certain of what he wanted in life.

We talked about our achievements and laughed at the similarities of the circumstances we've dealt with and the way we coped with it. I know certain things he'd done that is actually beyond my scope of morality. At first, it was so hard to understand the misgivings he has for life. As i placed myself on his shoes, somehow I got a grasp on his inmost self and marveled at the possibility of me doing the same. To certain degrees, I'm sure I will. It helped to be closer to God. He's not. And it's a pity. It's difficult to touch the heart.

I noticed that most of the things we've talked was the hardships life brings. He constantly emphasized the adverse effects of poverty on his life. As I listened intently to his sentiments, my childhood memories came rushing back. I remember having spent a great deal of time with my poor neighbors. I can still see the expressions of my unfortunate playmates' face torn by hunger and it occured to me how such misery had bruised them.


I stared into the eyes of my friend, I saw pain and something else. It was vengeance! He was, still is, angry with the life he had, the hardships he had gone through and the responsibilities slumped on his shoulders. He told me the scapegoats he'd done. He rebelled against life itself. It was so hard to let him understand that fairness exists because he is detached from them. I tried my best to give him consolation but he considered my efforts as pity and as proud as he is never accepted them. In my hopelessness, I was so enraged that I could have frontally ridicule him if he hadn't been honest with me (and dishonest in certain things). Perhaps because of my sympathetic nature I realized how tough he must be to endure such burden. How vulnerable to succumb to simple pleasures to escape his miseries. He compared his life to the life I had. My family and his family. Somehow I realized the big gap between us..


I wondered how could I let him swallow the fact that fairness exists when undeniably I have never tasted the bitterness of poverty while he has lived with it for the most part of his life. He spills on my face the unpleasant memory of going to school with nothing in his pocket. How would I tell him life is just when I never even went to school without new things to brag about to my classmates? I had all the material things I could ask for while he hadn't. It left me nothing to say. I cannot gaze directly at him. I felt so embarassed for being so dependent on my parents.

He told me how hard it was to be the breadwinner of his family. I was digusted at his bigotry thinking that it's necessary to provide for his family. After all he's the only one employed aside from being the eldest of five. But i lost the courage to despise him when I looked at my own family.

I saw my brother, who has a stable job but is still asking for financial support; I saw my sister, who's scared of finding a work lest our parents would stop giving us allowances; And I saw myself, who's endowed with the wisdom to discern these truths but I am immobiled by something that bothers me for quite a while now. I am guilt-stricken because I know I am not living--I do not feel alive anymore.

Himala

A 1982 classic starring Superstar Nora Aunor and directed by National  Artist Ishmael Bernal.  LEGACY :  Himala-- The  first Filipino film included in the "Competition Section" of the  1983 Berlin International Film Festival.  Hailed  the Best Film of All Time from the Asia-Pacific Region in the 2008 CNN Asia Pacific Screen Awards. The first film to be restored by  the ABS-CBN Film Archive and Central Digital Lab Inc in 2012.   Nora Aunor--She was paid  ₱ 1 million, the highest talent fee by any local actor at the time.  Her portrayal is widely acclaimed to be the best of her career.  Her memorable delivery of "Walang Himala" is regarded as the most famous line in Philippine cinema.                                             

I Need Somebody

 

 

Depeche Mode's Somebody evokes the kind of emotion so intense that it cuts across at every vital point of my whole being. Every line, every word leaves a fancy impression that this song was especially created for me. "I don't want to be tied to anyone's strings..though my views may be wrong, they may be even perverted..all the things i detest.."--these and more are the most apt depiction of my persona. Somebody must be myself!

Somebody

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it

Chaketch Provocative Lines, Revealed!

 

Once upon a time, there were restless mortals who bumped into each other while in pursuit of their dreams. They came from different walks of life mutually searching for belongingness, for a reflection of themselves. They nurtured a formidable relationship stemmed from a deep understanding of their individuality. Theirs has been crafted out of each one's unique personae to create a kind of friendship so colorful and beautiful..

Welcome to the world of Chaketch!

I take the chance to gather the original members' quotable quotes posted on their respective FB accounts. I only have a bleak idea as to what really lies behind these quotes, albeit each line stirs my curiosity and leaves an indelible impact on my mind.

e. s. p.

"Ang di na ko gnahan kay kanang mag assume!"

 November 26 at 9:39am

j. z. z.
"i dnt knw wat to do..but im not always in the dark..hehe"

September 17 at 8:11pm

l. s. s.
"I really don't understand why there's always so much gnashing of teeth every time I throw an honest opinion. Better shut my mouth then."

September 21 at 5:31pm

 

c. c. l.
"way au kay naa dghna ni commit nga mo ad2 nya wa ni tunga. tsk tsk pagka way juy au. masige pa ta ani??"

December 6 at 3:00pm

 

m. c.
"it's weird how you go from being strangers to being friends to being more than friends to being practically strangers again..and it all happens so fast.."

June 22 at 11:50pm

 

 f. m.
"im gonna sleep with my heart so shattered for the nth time. im not sure if i can still find the missing pieces ....i know now is it hurts soooooooooooooooooo much! the pain still lingers and even my body is in excruciating pain. OMG! OUCH!!!HELP ME GOD."

November 24 at 11:47pm

c. l.

"dont know how to get away with this 15 BOY BATA. mayo to mga past men in my life..i wanted to help him choose the right path and guide him but forces of evil are stronger, and cant contain it any longer..luoy man pod kong biyaan. samot nya ka lolong sa bisyo. hahay!"

Dec 6 at 5:30pm

l. t.
"thank u so much baby!!! i love u too!!! i hope i have made it obvious 4 u evryday coz i have nothing left to do but luv u! i'll take care of u!"

July 29 at 1:33am

g. a. s.
"drunk...drunk...drunk....kpoya cge inum oi..aneh cguro ni kung jobless ka!hahaha"

June 7 at 1:42am

m. s.
"aLwaYs tRyiNg mY bEst t0 kEEp y0u 0uT 0f thiS vEry diFFicuLt siTuaTi0n...s0 i d0nT thiNk y0u sh0uLd trEat mE liKe tHis!"

October 15 at 8:46pm

r. l.

"..please don't come and go like all the others..."

October 16 at 8:58am



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 j. d.
"no nid to challenge me! tis my earthly passion and the easiest way to escape from this agonizing world."

July 18 at 6:32pm