6.13.2015

The Years Gone Dark


Here lies my refuge, a sanctuary where the world’s chaos fades into the background. Here is my tabernacle, a place that neither condemns nor condones, where I can lay bare the oddities of my soul, without fear of judgment or expectation.


An introspection on the last seven years reveals a tumultuous period in my life.

It began with promise—a bright start, from our first meeting in January 2003 to the birth of our son that November. Those early days were filled with happiness, hope, and dreams, inspiring me to envision an ideal home built on love, trust, and mutual respect. But as the second year unfolded, the relationship took a darker turn, plagued by jealousy and suspicion. It became painfully clear that family life was far from the fairy tale I had imagined. I had to adapt, to immerse myself in the world she knew, stooping to a level I never thought I'd reach, just to maintain a semblance of peace.

The years that followed were a vicious cycle. Negativity seeped into her being, and we clashed over the smallest things. She fixated on the past, making baseless accusations of infidelity and other unfounded suspicions. But the worst came when I witnessed her desperate attempts to control every aspect of my life. My patience, once boundless, was stretched to its breaking point. I had to make a choice: face the consequences of this crumbling relationship or sink deeper into the quicksand of our own making.

The second week of May 2010 was the last time I saw our house, her, or my son—the child I loved more than anything. My great dream, once vivid and full of promise, had faded into obscurity, leaving only a hellish mirage.

The repercussions of that time are still with me, trapped in the portal of my defiance against the natural order of life. The animosity we shared has morphed into a shadow that relentlessly chases me, threatening to erase my very essence. But I cannot—no, I must not—let despair suffocate the strength I’ve fought so hard to rebuild. I must grasp my shield once more and stand tall, for I know I am more than this.

I dream that one day, I will uproot the torn pages of my past, let them drift into the abyss, and leave them there—forgotten, where they belong.